Chapter Four by Caroline Bauke

Chapter Four: 1204PM

Friday 03/13/09

Kelly and Erica told me where to stand. They stood near me, a little ways in front of me actually. Lisa was not far from them as well. We had formed five rows and I was somewhat in the middle of the group of cheerleaders. Nervously, I stood frozen. I wasn’t sure if I could move whether or not I wanted to.

I could see my brother in the crowd of football players. They sat down on the bleachers in front of us. My brother was on the closest bench; his feet were touching the gym floor, easily in view. He was chatting with his friends; I could see Joe among them. I had a nagging suspicion that it would not take long for him to notice me.

And then, the music started. I don’t know how it made such a difference to me, but staring among the matching uniforms of the cheerleaders and football players, the colorful streamers hanging from the walls and ceiling, the posters with their uplifting messages, I found calmness. All the nervousness and fear disappeared, lost among the raunchy lyrics of the song now blaring from the speakers.

I started out my routine with the other cheerleaders. I called out the cheers I had learned, echoing their voices. I found I was having fun. I was smiling like the rest of them. Before I knew it, Lisa and Erica were throwing me into the air. I came down again, “Perfect landing,” Kelly whispered to me, and kept going.

I was shocked by myself. In about an hour I had accomplished the impossible: I had learned the entire routine and was doing it correctly! This was big, bigger than big. I can’t do these movements without tripping over something or knocking someone over. I would never have thought it possible. I didn’t believe it was possible, but it was happening. I had always been a quick learner, but I guess I never really realized it before. Erica and Lisa threw me a second time. Again, I managed my part and came down safely once more. I couldn’t believe it! I’m ecstatic! I’m high on my own success!

The whole routine flew by faster than I thought possible. Time quickly came for the pyramid, the grand finale. Lisa and Erica threw me into the air once more, but this time instead of flying away, I stood on their hands. I stepped onto their shoulders. There were two girls on either side of me in the same position. They knelt down and offered than hands for me to step on. I stepped onto their hands and then their shoulders, the same way I had with Lisa and Erica. It was as if I had been cheering all my life, not just a little over an hour.

I called out with my fellow cheerleaders, “Go Lions! Larkson Lions Roar!” I heard the answering roar of the football players below. I made the mistake of looking down.

I looked down for only a moment. I meant to only glance around me, at the gym below. The football players had clustered around us cheerleaders, forming a circle of roaring yellow & silver shirted guys. This isn’t what caught my attention though.

I looked straight down into Joe’s eyes. I didn’t know where he was or searched for him in the crowd, I just saw him right away when I looked down. I t seemed almost like one of those frozen in time pictures, except there was no camera. This was happening now.

He looked concerned, tense, and a little scared. I was startled. I froze in mid-jump, for I was about to jump off and back down for my fellow cheerleaders to catch me. So were the girls underneath me. They took it as a sign to jump and so they did, with me still on their shoulders. Their movement unbalanced me and I fell backwards. The girls underneath me jumped off perfectly, flipping in mid-air. I could tell they would land unharmed, gracefully too. I was glad they were going to be OK, but I wasn’t thinking that much about it.

I fell and time slowed. I heard someone scream my name. I heard some other screams and yells as everything started to go black.

BAM!!! I felt the impact of my landing rocket through my body. I couldn’t tell if someone caught me on purpose or if I fell on them by accident. I was not done falling all the same. Whoever was underneath me fell over from the force of my landing.

I never hit the ground. I never felt the impact of the sweet slap of the smelly gym floor on my face. The wind never stopped whooshing past me. I fell farther, and deeper down, down, down into darkness. I could no longer see, and my other senses fell away from me as I plummeted.

I could hear voices calling to me at a distance. It wasn’t so much as a distance as the fact that each word took longer and longer to reach me. It had to follow me into the dark pit I was spiraling down after all.

“Is she ok?”

“Cat, Cat can you hear me?”

“Someone get the nurse!”

“Move! I’ll carry her there.”

I had no idea who was who. Few words reached me in the dark pit which I had fallen into. I had no idea if the voices they belonged to were voices I knew or did not know. I could no longer distinguish one voice from another, they all sounded the same. Then, of course, my hearing left me next.

My senses of smell and taste, neither very prominent/dominant among the other senses, were gone. They were vanquished immediately, when the first wave of darkness hit me, long before when I was back on top of the pyramid. My senses of smell and taste left before my sight started to.

I was blind, deaf and more to the people that most likely surrounded me. I was cut off from the world more than ever before, and more than I ever thought possible. More than I had ever believed possible. I could barely think, except for the thought that I knew I was leaving. I was leaving my body.

Oh so very slowly my sense of touch left me. It is a sense I have never been without. I can close my eyes to destroy my sight. I can block my ears or sit motionless in a completely noiseless place to diminish my hearing. My sense of taste and smell were never very potent in my body. I had never been without feeling before.

Numbness was a feeling in a way; this was way more than numbness. People and all things living grow accustomed to their feelings, both external and internal. We are used to them, yet they never cease to surprise us. They are more prone to unexplainable actions and thoughts than anything else this universe seems to offer.

There is no way to describe my loss of my touching sense. That was the first of my three parts of my sense of touch to desert me. My thoughts were frozen not gone. My emotions all were pushed away by fear and panic. Fear and panic gripped me in a vice. I could not scream out my fear, nor convey it in words. My mouth no longer worked, I wa no longer aware I had one for that matter.

Ever so slowly my body became numb as my sight had disintegrated. A moment before my sight completely disappeared, my body was numb to anything it touched or touched it. I was so numb I could not feel my numbness. Like I said before, this was greater and much more terrifying than numb.

Very quickly actually, I left my body. The strings that tied me into this physical vessel I possessed were cut away. It felt like someone was tearing me out of my body, and I was powerless. I could not lift a finger as this force split me in two. My body was quickly severed away from me until only very few strands tying me to it were left behind.

My last thoughts were gone already, my mind blank. The only emotion present, fear, had wiped it cleaned. This fear was rational and irrational. It was the weirdest combination; it was so much fear however that, if I were not paralyzed, I have no idea what other reaction I may have acted upon. This fear is too terrible to describe.

Many things happened inside of me simultaneously. The last strings snapped. My body faded vanished from me. My fear ended, for it could not continue in a bodiless victim. All that was me was thrown away. I was nothing; I exploded into nothingness, minus the explosion part. All sense of feeling was gone. There were no words. There was absolutely nothing I can convey to anyone or anything. I was gone from this earth, from this place I know and love.

I was at peace. Peace was the wrong word; there was no emotion, no fear. Since there was no fear it must have been fear. I had finally blacked out into sweet nothingness.

* * *

“You fainted in the gym!” Tibby exclaimed shocked.

“Yeah its’ horrible fainting,” I said shivering involuntarily. “I’ve never been so scared in my life than right then.”

“Really what’s it like?” Joyce asked interested.

I looked around at my friends. We were at lunch. They were all watching me intently. Mike was sitting next to me on the edge of his seat. I had a sneaking suspicion he was preparing himself to catch me in case I passed out again. My other friend’s expressions varied from that of Mike’s concern to Joyce’s unmasked curiosity.

Luckily for me, my friends had saved me a seat at lunch. The lunchroom was packed. I had arrived late to lunch and there was barely any food left. Luckily, they had saved me a seat for lunch. I spoke quietly to them now so I would not be overheard.

“I can’t put all of it into words,” I told them all

“I was there,” Francis said. “”I saw her fall and I knew that no one was going to be able to stop an accident from unfolding.”

“Lucky for Cat Jimmy Thornes was there,” Mike said shaking his head.

“Unlucky for Jimmy Thornes that he was there,” I muttered under my breath.

“What do you mean?” Tibby asked confused.

“She fell on him and broke his wrist,” Francis explained. “When Cat froze on the pyramid in mid-jump, I think the girls underneath her thought that she meant to jump off. They started to jump and the movement unbalanced Cat and she fell.”

“Yeah thanks to my two left feet,” I said.

Mike disagreed, “Anyone would have fallen if the ground underneath them fell away. Especially if the ground underneath them was two skinny shoulders. I’m surprised you lasted that long.”

I heard some awe and wonderment in his last words. I felt a little insulted that he had not believed I could do the routine. Then again, I hadn’t been able to do the routine, and before I tried I had thought the same thing as Mike.

Francis took over, “The way she fell was more terrifying than the fall. Her body went stiff at first. Then she relaxed; it seemed like she had given up or something. I think Cat had fainted before she hit the ground. Of course nobody knew that at the time. Everyone thought that … well actually they had no idea what was wrong, only that something very, very wrong was happening.”

I frowned despite myself. I didn’t understand what he meant by wrong. Sure at first and in the end fainting was most definitely more horrible than anything you can imagine. Except for that brief period in the middle, I would call the whole experience a nightmare. But as I had time to rethink the experience over, my mind focused on that brief period. It was more than and different from peace. It was unexpected, that was for sure. That part of fainting was something completely different; it was more thrilling than any roller coaster or any other joy ride. It was more refreshing than a massage probably is; and it was more curious and different than anything I’ve ever experienced before. I would not call my fainting experience bad or horrible. I certainly did not want to do it again any time soon.

“Cat fell at such a weird angle,” Francis explained. I pulled myself out of my reverie to listen. “Towards Thornes’s wrist, that when she hit it, it snapped. I could hear it from across the room. I sounded horrible. Everyone was screaming and pointing upward at Cat. He looked up and she hit him in the same moment. There was no way he could have prevented it.”

“Yeah,” Mike agreed. “Also I had never seen your brother look so upset before.”

“That’s true,” I agreed with a small smile. My brother was the first face I saw after waking up after all.

As suddenly as those last strings severed, they retied. I was re-linked back to my subconscious. I was underwater, I fought to get back to the surface. My head broke clear and I started to fly back up the dark pit. I flew back the way I came up the dark abyss which led down to the deep pool. As soon as my head reached the surface of the water my fear returned. It dimmed away very slowly as I traveled even slower up the pit.

As more strings joined again my numbness very slowly faded. My hearing slowly returned as well. I began to hear what was going on in the outside world. I could not distinguish one voice from another though. I had no idea how long it took those sentences to fly down the pit and reach me or who they came from.

“Cat … Cat … can … you … he…ar … me …?”

“Cat … Who … is … the … president … of … the … United … States…?”

“Cat … where … are … you…?”

I began to hear more coherently. It took awhile for each word to reach me and a little while to understand what each word meant. The numbness lessened, yet I could not feel yet. I still traveled up the dark pit. I spoke, I don’t know how I did, but I did.

“Why … can’t … I … see … any…thing?” my voice was soft and quiet. I couldn’t tell if anyone heard me.

My thoughts were beginning to unfreeze away from the message “WAKE UP!” I had centered my brain on. Suddenly, I flew out of the dark pit. It was dark, but ahead of me was the light. I ran threw a narrow tunnel toward the light. Every step I took, took me miles. The tunnel widened and lightened into my vision as I went.

Before I had gotten very far, and it was still very dark I asked again, “Why can’t I see anything…?”

I had begun to process words better. Messages came to me in complete sentences. I understood more quickly, but it still took time for me to hear sentences.

“I think I just saw her lips move… I think she is trying to say something … Cat its’ me Zach … Can you hear me? … Tell me what you said again…”

The tunnel grew wider and wider. The walls started to fade away to reveal this purplish black color. The color then broke up. Dots of it would darken and then wink away to reveal the world behind the dark cloud obscuring my vision. Other dots would just fade away to show my world. I blinked and the last of the dots cleared away.

I could see my brother right next to me. He looked very concerned. I studied him for a second, trying to understand his facial expression. I started to sit up, but he pushed me back down.

“Take a minute Cat,” he told me. “Wait a little bit before you make any sudden movements.”

“I’m fine,” I said; and I was. My hearing was perfect, I could see, my sense of smell and touch were back. The numbness was almost completely gone. I could feel other things though, like before I fainted. I felt the hard bed of the nurse’s office underneath me. Except for a very small dizzy headache in the back of my head, I felt perfect.

I tried to sit up again, but someone pushed me back down by my shoulders. That someone stood behind my head, out of my line of sight. That someone told me, “You gave us quite a scare Cat.”

That someone was Joe. Everyone was there: Kelly, Erica, Lisa, Mike, Francis, the school nurse, the gym coach, and the rest of the student council, football team, and cheerleading team. There were so many people that the nurse’s office was overly crowded and there were still clusters of people leading out the door and into the hall.

“Cat? Cat!” my friend Tibby was waving her hand in front of my face. She looked panicked and my other friends also looked extremely worried.

I snapped out of my reverie. I quickly consoled them, “I’m fine. I was just thinking about that whole experience.”

Everyone was still quiet for an awkward moment. Francis cleared his throat and broke the silence.

“Well,” he began, “When Cat fainted, her brother sort of freaked. He screamed at everyone ‘to move out of his f’ way’. The crowd parted quickly, it hadn’t really gathered to close around her. Mike and I and the rest of the student council were running from the all the corners of the gym to where Cat fell. Of course the football and cheerleading team got their first.

“I couldn’t see anything through the mob of people around Cat, even Cat herself. The coach was blowing his whistle like a madman. He shouted at everyone to either move back or get the nurse.”

“I remember that part,” Mike cut in. “Francis jumped so high in the air that he landed on my foot. I thought he broke it. So I’m jumping up in down on one foot and holding the other while Francis is oblivious to it all. Other people start giving me dirty looks to—”

“So what happened next?” Tanya asked.

“The entire crowd started to rush for the doors,” Francis said quickly. “For a second there I thought that there was a fire drill or a stampeded to get to lunch because people were really hungry.

“It turned out, however, that Cat’s brother Zach had scooped Cat up and was carrying her to the nurse’s office. Mike and I pushed our way through the crowd. Somehow, I have absolutely no idea how, Mike and I made it into the nurse’s office ahead of the crowd, but we did.

“Zach put Cat down on the bed and asked the nurse when she would wake up. At the same time a couple football players came in carrying Jimmy Thornes. They put him on the bed and some people ran to the main office to call an ambulance to come get him.

“About 20 seconds after Jimmy Thornes came in and was put on a matching bed to Cat, Cat came to. She seemed a little confused and tried to get up.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I asked my brother where I was. He told me I was in the nurse’s office. I couldn’t figure out how I got there so he told me he carried me here.”

Mike finished for me. “Cat took one look around the room and she fainted. Again. At that point the nurse kicked everyone out of the room and told them to go to lunch. Cat came to a minute later. Someone must have called the hospital in the gym on a cell phone, because they came five minutes later.

“Zach another couple of football players, cheerleaders, Francis, and I stayed. The majority of everyone did leave. The nurses from the hospital came right into the room, loaded Jimmy Thornes onto a stretcher, and took him away. Another one checked out Cat. He told her she was fine, but if she felt dizzy at all she should sit down and take a break.”

“I thanked the nurse and I was finally allowed off the bed. The coach took my brother away. I think he was telling him he had better control his mouth. So Francis and Mike basically carried me into the lunchroom, and that is all there is to tell,” I summarized.

Ben, Joyce, Tanya, and Tibby stared at me for a minute. It was quiet. No one spoke for awhile. I finally broke the silence.

“Well except for the part where I’ve been excused from today’s cheerleading practice,” I said. “Lisa ran back to the locker room and got my clothes for me. I’m going to change out of this uniform after lunch and give it back to her as soon as I get the chance. I don’t want to be a cheerleader. I don’t have any idea how they got me to do that anyway.”

“Wow,” Tibby said shaking her head.

“What?” I asked, both curious and confused.

“You go through all that and your only comment is I’m not going to be a cheerleader ever again because I never wanted,” she said.

Flabbergasted, I asked, “What do you mean, were you expecting me to say something different?”

“Actually, I was sort of expecting you to blush and act embarrassed like you usually do when we talk about things you’ve done,” Tibby said.

“I’ve got to hand it to you Cat,” Ben said grinning. “This time wasn’t funny of course, but in a few weeks we’ll be cracking up. I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone with stories like this.”

I blushed and looked down. We continued to discuss the topic of how I’m a funny person. I stayed quiet for awhile until Tibby mad her announcement.”

“Hey we’re planning to get together tomorrow morning at ten-ish to Morgy’s. I can’t remember who I haven’t told yet, but I just want to make sure everyone still wants to and everyone knows.”

At her words I got that same weird feeling I had back in Geometry. I knew there was something I was forgetting about that time. There was some reason why I did not want to go to Morgy’s at that hour. I shrugged my shoulders. If I could not remember, then it probably wasn’t that big, bad of a reason not to go.

“Sure its’ sounds fun,” Tanya said. Francis agreed.

The bell rang. We all got up, threw out our lunch and headed out the door to the cafeteria. Tanya followed me to the bathroom. We had the next class together. She pretended to fix her hair, while I changed in the stall.

“So Tanya,” I asked conversationally. “Have you had any fainting attacks in y our class?”

“No, nothing like that,” she said. Then she paused, “Joyce told me about Mike’s joke in your class earlier.”

“How much longer do you think?” I asked curiously.

“Until he asks her or she asks him out? I have no idea,” she answered honestly.

“They both like each other and neither of them realizes it,” I sighed. “We can’t tell either of them that, can we?”

“No,” Tanya sighed hopelessly. “I just hope they figure it out already.”

“Yeah me to,” I agreed wholeheartedly in the same tone.

“This reminds me of something,” Tanya said hesitantly.

I walked out of the stall, fully clothed with the cheerleading outfit hanging over my arm. I messed with my hair and checked my appearance in the mirror. Not bad for a recent fainting, falling, coffee spilling, hamper diving, tripping past five hours. I looked at Tanya out of the corner of my eye. She was avoiding mine, looking straight at the floor.

“Tibby, Joyce, and Ben were telling me about what happened back in Geometry this morning. They told me about that story you told them about in the hallway…”

I turned to look at her. I could tell by her face that she could tell by my expression to drop the subject. So she did.

“Anyway, so what class did you miss because of cheerleading?” She asked.

I thought for a minute. “History,” I finally said. It felt more like years ago not an hour or so. “It feels like a really long day today.”

“Don’t forget we still have one more class before the pep rally,” Tanya reminded me. She walked away from the bathroom sinks and mirror and pushed the bathroom door open.

“Ugh,” I groaned. I followed her out of the bathroom. “We had to have biology today.

“I know, but it shouldn’t be to bad,” Tanya said optimistic. “I think she’s out today.”

“Really?” I asked. Maybe bio wouldn’t be that bad today.

“Hannah ran into me earlier. She couldn’t stop gossiping about you,” Tanya informed me. “She told me all about Italian class with ‘some guy named Rick’.”

“I don’t really know why she finds me such a great topic of gossip,” I sighed. Tanya laughed.

“Are you kidding,” she said with tears in her eyes. We stopped at her locker, only a few feet away from the bathroom and the staircase to the second floor.

“Cat,” she said sternly. “Are you serious?”

“No, I know that people find my accidents entertaining. That’s a given, I’ve been getting that reaction from people for my entire life. What I mean is why does like to gossip about every other thing I do?” I explained.

“Well,” Tanya said. She shut her locker, books already in hand. She locked it quickly and we proceeded up the stairs to wear my locker was located.

“Well Cat, I think its’ because of all those accidents. Sometimes Cat what you do is so unbelievable, that if I didn’t know you and see these things, as well as occasionally experience them, I might not believe you. I think it is almost like Olivia and Hannah are keeping tabs on you.”

I considered that in silence for a minute. We were on the second floor and halfway to my locker when I finally spoke again.

“So are they stalking me?” I asked scared.

“No,” Tanya said immediately. “Maybe I said that wrong. What I meant is they are waiting for you to do something they would find funny. You’ve always got a live story that sounds like it should be movie like.”

“So, I’m their source of entertainment. They want me to mess up,” I said. I couldn’t hide the traitor note of sadness in my voice.

“No,” Tanya said, but she was out of explanations.

We reached my locker. I dialed the combination, and opened my locker. I threw the cheerleading outfit in their and took out my science stuff. I shut the locker. And we took off for science.

“Cat they don’t use you as an entertainment. They use your experiences as entertainment,” Tanya told me finally.

It made a difference. A very small difference, I knew that. I didn’t really see the difference. I knew there was one in her words, but I didn’t believe it. I pretended to be happy and that it did. For Tanya’s sake; she was a good friend and I didn’t want her to think that her words upset.

“At least we’ve got a substitute for biology,” I said cheerfully. I couldn’t think of anything else to say. We rounded the corner of the hallway; it was only a few more feet until we reached our class. Someone was standing in our way however. My brother Zach was waiting for us.

“Cat can we talk,” he told me. Tanya looked at me quizzically.

“I’ll meet up with you in class,” I said with my false cheer. Tanya gave me look. I smiled at her and she walked into class. My brother didn’t speak again until Tanya disappeared from view and hearing range.

“There is a really bad snowstorm coming,” he told me.

“OK,” I said a little confused.

“Mom called me on your phone,” he continued to explain. “Their flight has been grounded.”

“So they won’t be coming home tonight?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Its’ been cancelled. I’m not sure for how long. She doesn’t want us to stay home alone for another night.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” I asked confused.

“I’m going to stay over Joe’s house tonight. I need to know where you’re staying by the time school ends. Mom’s going to call me to ask,” he told me.

“Oh, I’ll be at Tibby’s,” I said quickly. “We usually get together every other night.”

“Are you sure? It’ll be ok if you stay at Joe’s to. He won’t mind,” he told me.

I glared at him. “Are you trying to make a joke out of this morning?”

“When you fell off the pyramid?” he asked perplexed.

“No,” I said flatly.

“The car ride? When you fell in the hamper?” he asked, missing my point.

“No,” I repeated. “During school. The coffee spill incident.”

“What coffee spill incident?” he asked honestly. I stared at him trying to understand if he was joking. His face only held confusion.

“Never mind; ask Joe,” I said quickly before he could ask another question. “Why did you make Tanya leave?”

“I’m in a bad mood,” he answered a little angrily.

“Why?” I asked.

“I got detention,” he answered.

“For what?” I asked.

“Improper use of language,” he said. “I had to cancel my date with Lauren.”

“When?” I asked as he rounded the corner and walked out of sight.

“When you fainted,” he responded. Then he was gone.

I walked into biology. At the desk was the same sub from this morning’s geometry class. He had written his name on the board: Mr. Hayant. I stared at it. There was something familiar about the name, but I could not place it.

I sat down in an open seat next to Tanya. That’s what I love about subs, they don’t know where you are supposed to sit.

“So what did your brother want?” Tanya asked.

I thought about everything that had happened to me today. It was the second and last Friday the thirteenth of the year. I had an out of the ordinary day filled with accidents. As much as I tried to think otherwise, I felt the worse was yet to come.

“I have absolutely no idea,” I said. The only thing was, I was answering myself. Not Tanya’s question.